Forgiveness

Words to Ponder … Forgiveness… Samuel Wells is the vicar of St. Martin-in-the-Fields in London. He wrote in The Christian Century magazine about a visit with an elderly woman who had left the church when she was a young woman and wanted to come back.

Ah, I thought, a familiar story. A young person grows up in the church, but when she becomes a young adult she decides to get outside and smell a different air. Now that she was over 90 she thought it was time to give the church a second chance. She took her time, I thought, but the church had been patiently waiting for her all this time, as parents do for prodigals.

So I asked, “What was it that led you away from the church for 75 years?” Nothing to lose, I thought. I may learn something. But I forgot the first rule of the inquirer: never ask a question to which you might get an answer you’re not ready to hear. I was in for a shock.

“It was when we wanted to get married. We were in love. The rector wouldn’t marry us.” Well, this sounds intriguing, I thought, and, always a soft touch for the romantic twist on a story, I blundered in where angels fear to tread. “So was there something wrong?” I asked. “Had your husband been married previously, or were you too young, maybe?”

“No,” she said calmly, and I realize now that she was trying hard not to be patronizing or angry. “The rector looked at my hand. You see, I worked in a mill. I had an accident when I was 16.” She held up her left hand. The last three fingers were missing. “The rector said that since I didn’t have a finger to put the wedding ring on, he couldn’t marry us.”

The color drained from my face. I reacted with the gasping half-laugh one coughs out when one hears something so ridiculous that it has to be funny—but of course it isn’t funny at all but deeply, deeply horrifying. It was so absurd that no one could have made it up. It had to be true. Suddenly I felt that 75 years away from the church was pretty lenient. “May I ask what brings you back to the church now?” I said, feeling I couldn’t go on without hearing her answer. “God’s bigger than the church,” she replied. “I’ll be dead soon. The Lord’s Prayer says forgive if you want to be forgiven. So that’s what I’ve decided to do.”

There are numerous reasons to walk away from a relationship, some good and some not so good.  Throughout my ministry I have struggled to find the words to help individuals heal from brokenness. Sometimes, by God’s grace the words come to mind. Yet, my heart still breaks for those who cannot forgive; for it is such a great burden to bear.  I praise God for the woman who finally forgave the church as mentioned in the article above; but I wonder how many people never forgive. My father returned to the church after leaving years earlier when a member accused him of stealing his Bible. Unforgiveness affects the whole family. 

The Body of Christ, the church is God’s gift to us. It is not perfect, and it is even less perfect when good people walk away. Forgiveness opens the broken heart for Christ’s healing grace.  Words to Ponder … from the heart, In Christian Love, Ed